


A Little Problem

by Blizzard_Fire



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Bruce Banner Needs a Hug, Clint Barton Needs a Hug, Clint Barton-centric, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Parent Clint Barton
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-22
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24863938
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blizzard_Fire/pseuds/Blizzard_Fire
Summary: When Clint finds a two-year-old Bruce after a battle, he's left to babysit whilst Tony tries to fix things. Changing your boyfriend's diaper isn't an ideal way to spend the afternoon... especially when Clint has never even held a baby before. This is going to be a challenge.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Clint Barton
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	A Little Problem

**Author's Note:**

> Deageing fics aren’t generally my cup of tea but I got a plot bunny at 2am and couldn't sleep until I'd written the damn thing. I guess this is my first Clint/Bruce fic too!

It’s not every day that your boyfriend gets turned into a toddler.

Because of _course_ the villain of the week has a de-ageing ray, who _doesn’t_ have one of those just lying around? Clint had hurried over to the crater Hulk had made, expecting to find a tired and grumpy Bruce lying there. Instead he’d found a tired and grumpy child with curly brown hair and dark eyes full of tears.

Clint hands Small Bruce straight to Steve (he can’t keep a goldfish alive, let alone a human baby) and stares at him in the Quinjet the whole way home. It’s about five hundred different kinds of weird and it’s just too much to deal with right now.

‘Please tell me you can fix this,’ he says.

Tony hums non-commitally. ‘I don’t know, I kinda like him like this. Look how happy he is! Adult Bruce never smiles this much.’ He blows a raspberry and Bruce giggles and clenches his fists.

‘Tony, don’t joke about this. It’s serious.’

‘Yeah yeah, working on it. We’ll have him scowling again in no time.’

Everyone falls silent whilst Clint has a quiet internal breakdown.

Natasha leans over. ‘Can I hold him?’

With a sigh, Steve hands him over. ‘Sure.’

Back at the tower, Tony takes their shrunken Avenger to the lab. Clint trails along behind. He can’t find anything amiss in the scans; Bruce is perfectly healthy… except for the fact that he’s a toddler.

‘Well, it’s got me confused. JARVIS, see what you can do with the data. And pull up anything you can on the weapons they were using. There’s got to be something. In the meantime…’ He lifts Bruce up and places him in Clint’s arms.

‘Woah woah, I’m not looking after him!’

‘Just for a few hours, whilst I work this out. I can’t do the magic if he’s crawling around drinking chemicals, can I? JARVIS, put in an emergency order for baby supplies.’

_‘Of course, sir.’_

Bruce is surprisingly heavy. Oh god what if he drops him? Clint has never even _held_ a child before, let alone looked after one. ‘Tony,’ he says hoarsely, ‘don’t do this to me.’

‘Would you rather Thor changed his diaper?’

‘Yes, I would! But… Bruce probably wouldn’t.’ He rests his chin on Bruce's curly-haired head. ‘God, this sucks.’

‘I’ve fixed worse. Just a few hours, okay? Come on, it’s not that bad.’ Tony grins. ‘Doesn’t he already call you Daddy?’

Clint shudders. ‘Fuck you.’

‘Hey, not in front of the baby.’

What follows is the most stressful five hours of Clint’s life. He’s tired and sore from the fight, but Bruce is full of energy. The supplies arrive quickly, and he gets to work cleaning the dirt off him and dressing him in a diaper and clean clothes. The t-shirt has dinosaurs on it and he has to admit it’s pretty adorable. Boy is Bruce going to be embarrassed when this wears off. The toys JARVIS delivers aren’t enough to satisfy him, and half an hour later he’s wobbling around Clint’s apartment pulling DVDs off the shelves and trying to lick the door handles.

Clint calls Tony every hour but there is little progress. He calls the other Avengers, but strangely no one is available to help. Steve apparently left to help injured civilians, Natasha is sleeping and has set everything to “unavailable” and Thor won’t answer his phone. Clint is completely on his own.

Tony finally comes to find him in the communal kitchen, where Clint is attempting to get Bruce to eat something. Bruce is more interested in smearing the banana slices over the table. ‘I’ve got news and you’re not going to like it – holy shit, you look like you’ve aged ten years.’

Clint stares back at him. ‘If you can’t fix him…’

‘Oh no, I can. Because, um, well… there’s nothing to fix.’

Bruce is now attempting to put a smushed banana slice in Clint’s mouth. ‘I don’t understand.’

‘You’re about to.’

The door opens behind them. Clint turns.

And _Bruce_ walks in – real, normal, adult Bruce. He looks positively miserable, shivering in a pair of ruined pants and caked in mud and dead leaves. ‘What happened out there?’ he snaps. ‘I had to walk about ten miles to get back here! Did no one think to maybe come and look for me?’ He glares at each of them in turn, his gaze finally settling on the child still trying to feed Clint banana slices. His expression turns to confusion. ‘What’s going on?’

Clint looks down at Small Bruce. ‘Oh god. _Whose baby is this?_ Tony, did I kidnap someone’s kid?’

Tony rubs his face wearily. ‘I ran a DNA test as a last resort. Turns out I should have probably done that first.’

_‘I have been able to identify the child based on available hospital records. His family have been informed and they will be arriving at the tower shortly. They were separated during the attack. It is likely that you saved his life, Agent Barton.’_

‘Wait.’ Bruce folds his arms. ‘Did you seriously think that kid was me?’

‘Well, yeah!’ he says defensively. ‘They had a de-ageing ray, man! Well, we thought they did…’

‘Why would they have a de-ageing ray? How would that even scientifically work?’

‘I don’t know, he looks like you! I panicked, okay?’ All this time looking after the kid and Bruce was out in the cold, walking for miles on bare feet. Clint feels like shit. But at least they helped someone.

Not-Bruce starts to cry.

Tony steps in. ‘Hey, it’s okay.’ He lifts him up, pulling a face at the banana smeared down his front. ‘I got this. Clint, you’re dismissed. You’re on Brucesitting duty now, that’s an order.’

Clint sighs in relief and salutes. ‘Yessir.’ He steps over to Bruce and hugs him. His skin is cold and crusted with dirt. ‘I’m sorry, babe.’

Bruce stiffens at first, then he slowly relaxes until his head is resting on his shoulder. ‘It’s okay. I’m glad you helped him. I can fend for myself, he couldn’t.’

‘You look like you could use some looking after, though.’ Clint picks some leaves out of his hair. ‘Want me to feed you banana slices and read you a bedtime story?’

Bruce leans back to give him an unamused look. ‘Tea would be good. I’m going to take a shower.’

With a smile, he reaches down to link their hands together. ‘I could help with that.’

Some of the weariness in Bruce's eyes fades, replaced with a hint of mischief. ‘You’d better.’ He pecks him on the lips.

Tony clears his throat pointedly.

Clint gives Not-Bruce a tiny wave. He giggles and waves back. Then he leads his boyfriend out of the room and down the corridor. ‘I never realised kids are so much work. Like he was really cute, but holy shit.’

‘Sounds like you did a good job, though.’ Bruce leans on him as he limps into the elevator. ‘Well done for making the best of it.’

‘I’m just glad to have you back. I definitely prefer you when you’re not trying to eat the TV remote.’

‘That’s a pretty low bar.’ The doors close and Bruce pulls him into a lingering kiss. Clint abruptly remembers just how adorably clingy his boyfriend gets post-Hulkout. ‘You gonna take care of me?’ Bruce murmurs in his ear, and his tone conjures goosebumps on Clint’s arms.

‘Yeah, I gotcha Doc.’ He pulls him in close, trailing a hand down his naked back. ‘Shower first, yeah? I’ll be very thorough.’

Bruce hums in approval. ‘Just so you know,’ he continues in the same quiet tone, ‘any Daddy jokes will _not_ be appreciated tonight.’

Clint just laughs and kisses him.


End file.
